THX1138 wrote:A married couple have a baby boy that's born with no body at all, just a head and a neck but it's their child and so they love and raise him. Now when the head turns twenty one his dad takes him to a bar to get his first drink so he sets the head down on a bar stool next to him and pours a drink into his mouth and poof, a body pops out of the neck. Everybody at the bar is quite surprised at what they have just seen, obviously. then dad pours another drink into his mouth and poof, arms pop out. Now with complete arms he pours another into his own mouth and poof, legs pop out and at this point his son stands up and starts running around the bar ecstatic for the fact that for the first time in his life he is a complete person and he runs out of the bar and into the street where he is immediately hit by a car and killed.
Now as the father sits heartbroken at the bar and the other patrons of the bar sit completely dumbfounded from what they had just witnessed the bartender, as bartenders will be (not missing a beat) Says, yep he should have quit while he was a head
How did they know it was a baby boy at birth?
Let's just say that when it learned to talk it let them know what gender it was and then the story was written after that point. That's one of the easier things to come up with an explanation for. Forget the fact that it has no way of breathing, pumping blood, eating, excreting, or surviving, period.
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 1:34 am
by THX1138
Agreed on the child's sex thing, when i heard the joke originally the child was referred to as IT but I didn't feel right with that
As for the remaining points which you have made..............I don't know how the child lived I just know that he made it to his 21st birthday
The Onion has gone bad. They missed April 1st by quite a bit!!
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2014 9:17 pm
by bystander
Every day is April 1st at the Onion. It's what they do.
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2014 10:24 pm
by Beyond
bystander wrote:Every day is April 1st at the Onion. It's what they do.
Oh, ok. I don't read Onions, so i didn't know that. In that case, they're right on! Go Onion!! You've found a thread that fits.
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2014 5:59 pm
by BMAONE23
Beyond wrote:
bystander wrote:Every day is April 1st at the Onion. It's what they do.
Oh, ok. I don't read Onions, so i didn't know that. In that case, they're right on! Go Onion!! You've found a thread that fits.
If the thread fits...Keep em in stitches
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 10:10 pm
by Ron-Astro Pharmacist
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well, however,
the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it,
he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look
at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of
adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily... if at all.
Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence,
"Get well soon, from the nurse in the Ford Explorer you pulled over last week."
Sadly the policeman called in a dick-tape-tive and uncovered the pubi-taper. The nurse plead "innocence" and the judge let her off for good behavior in the face of overwhelming opportunity.
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Fri Dec 26, 2014 7:43 pm
by THX1138
I hope that when i die i go peacefully-in my sleep like my grandfather did
Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2015 5:48 pm
by Ron-Astro Pharmacist
I can see this happening with my dad. He is an 87yo retired Navy Chief Petty Officer who was a gunners mate and is now very hard-of-hearing and crotchety.
A cop pulls him over for driving too slow. Dad gets out of the car and heads back to confront the officer. The officer says, "Cease and desist!" My dad would then say "What?" and ask," If I'm deceased how can I assist?"
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2015 4:50 pm
by kellogg
So I'm watching a documentary about the dangers of near earth asteroids crossing Earth's orbit.
They've got a program to prepare for any Earth-impactors asteroids by firing missiles armed with Hydrogen bombs to blow them apart before they can cause any damage.
They're calling the program Preparation H because that's what you use on asteroids....
Scott
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2015 5:06 pm
by kellogg
Then there was the arthropologist who named his daughter Anna Lida...
Scott
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2015 10:53 am
by kellogg
Did you hear about the Stage Magician who turned his car into a telephone pole...?
Scott
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2015 9:49 pm
by BMAONE23
kellogg wrote:Did you hear about the Stage Magician who turned his car into a telephone pole...?
Scott
Did you hear the one about the 2 drunks who walked into a bar...OUCH...THUMP
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2015 12:09 pm
by kellogg
A Higgs Boson walks into a church.
The priest looks at it and tells it to leave immediately.
The Higgs Boson replies "But you need me.
Without me you can't have mass..."
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2015 12:37 pm
by kellogg
Heisenberg is driving his friend Schrodinger home from a conference. A cop pulls them over.
"DO you know how fast you were going?", asks the cop.
"No, but I knew exactly where I was!", said Heisenberg.
The cop, suspicious, decides to check the car out. He looks over the cabin, and tells Heisenberg to pop the trunk lid.
He pauses, then shouts, "Do you know there's a dead cat in your trunk?"
These Authors have written a number of cheeky articles. I love this line from one ...
Cosmic Conspiracies wrote:Even string theorists would typically agree that there is empirical evidence for matter in the Universe.
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2015 9:38 pm
by Moonlady
meanwhile in a parallel universe,
here is a happy little "Bob"
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2015 10:19 pm
by Ann
What a strange alien he is painting, Moonlady!
Ann
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2015 3:41 pm
by Moonlady
...adding just characters to be able to upload the attachment....
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2015 4:20 pm
by Ann
...and maybe Oxiemorons.
Well, there is a semi-detached southern part of Malmö called Oxie, and an American funny-man thought that the inhabitants there should perhaps be called Oxiemorons...
