Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

[geckzilla]

Clearly a very old joke and unbelievable by today's standards. Everyone would be trampling one another to get a smartphone pic of the beast.

[Chris Peterson]

Clearly a very old joke and unbelievable by today's standards. Everyone would be trampling one another to get a smartphone pic of the beast.

No need. These days, the beast would have a Facebook and Twitter account, and we could check out his picture anytime we wished. #666

[geckzilla]

True enough. Apparently his counterpart already has a Facebook account. My friends like to share the posts.

[Beyond]

[Beyond]

If you're down to two left, not one is right.

[neufer]

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

If you're down to two left, not one is right.

[Beyond]

So... how long you been waiting to use that video

[neufer]

So... how long you been waiting to use that video

Dozens...no... hundreds of days.

[Beyond]

Glad to have helped relive you of that burden, Mr. Art 'lefty' Neuendorffer.

[neufer]

Glad to have helped relive [sic] you of that burden, Mr. Art 'lefty' Neuendorffer.

Relive, v. t. To recall to life; to revive. http://asterisk.apod.com/viewtopic.php? ... 46#p166847

[BMAONE23]

What are cats made of?
Iron..Lithium..Neon

FeLiNe

[Ann]

Ann

[Beyond]

Catastrophe in the making Whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be quite purrfect.

[BMAONE23]

If you don't know Bigfoot....You don't know 'Squatch

[Beyond]

Go ahead, bump me. I dare ya.

[Ann]

Sorry about a not so nice word here.... but I couldn't resist.

Good to see your funny posts again, Beyond!

Ann

[Beyond]

Looks like you one upped me, Ann. It would seem that the guy in the pink sweater doesn't know that roller-skating in a Buffalo pen, is not a good idea!

[BMAONE23]

Why did the Mortician enter the Tavern of the Seven Dwarves?

He was looking to get a little stiff

[BMAONE23]

What did the numerator say to the denominator?

there is a fine line between us

[MargaritaMc]

http://www.firstlightoptics.com/clearan ... n/reviews/

The reviews are worth reading!
(I had assumed the date of sale was in April, but it looks as tho it's been up for sale for a couple of years!)

[geckzilla]

For the right price, you probably could learn how to hijack the thing somehow without even leaving Earth. Good thing there aren't very many dangerous, militant astronomers out there.

[Beyond]

[THX1138]

A married couple have a baby boy that's born with no body at all, just a head and a neck but it's their child and so they love and raise him. Now when the head turns twenty one his dad takes him to a bar to get his first drink so he sets the head down on a bar stool next to him and pours a drink into his mouth and poof, a body pops out of the neck. Everybody at the bar is quite surprised at what they have just seen, obviously. then dad pours another drink into his mouth and poof, arms pop out. Now with complete arms he pours another into his own mouth and poof, legs pop out and at this point his son stands up and starts running around the bar ecstatic for the fact that for the first time in his life he is a complete person and he runs out of the bar and into the street where he is immediately hit by a car and killed.
Now as the father sits heartbroken at the bar and the other patrons of the bar sit completely dumbfounded from what they had just witnessed the bartender, as bartenders will be (not missing a beat) Says, yep he should have quit while he was a head

[THX1138]

The message which was written in a birthday card that I received from a family member this year

I decided that I'm not going to make any age related jokes this year on your birthday
because I really do genuinely feel bad about how old you really are.

[Nitpicker]

A married couple have a baby boy that's born with no body at all, just a head and a neck but it's their child and so they love and raise him. Now when the head turns twenty one his dad takes him to a bar to get his first drink so he sets the head down on a bar stool next to him and pours a drink into his mouth and poof, a body pops out of the neck. Everybody at the bar is quite surprised at what they have just seen, obviously. then dad pours another drink into his mouth and poof, arms pop out. Now with complete arms he pours another into his own mouth and poof, legs pop out and at this point his son stands up and starts running around the bar ecstatic for the fact that for the first time in his life he is a complete person and he runs out of the bar and into the street where he is immediately hit by a car and killed.
Now as the father sits heartbroken at the bar and the other patrons of the bar sit completely dumbfounded from what they had just witnessed the bartender, as bartenders will be (not missing a beat) Says, yep he should have quit while he was a head

How did they know it was a baby boy at birth?