Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

[Chris Peterson]

Not available for the Kindle! :shock:

You just have to know where to look.

[rstevenson]

Not available for the Kindle!

That's one of the main reasons I got an iPad. I've got the included iBooks reader of course, but I also have a Kindle reader and a Kobo reader in it, as well as a couple of thrid-party readers I haven't tried yet. So it doesn't matter what format the book is available in, I can read it on the iPad.

But, damn! According to several sites there is no eBook version available, no matter the reader, unless you're willing to downoad a "free" one. Drat!

Rob

edit** - But you can read it online here.

[geckzilla]

The "free" ones tend to be scanned and then OCR is used to convert it to text format. Full of errors, unfortunately.

[Chris Peterson]

The "free" ones tend to be scanned and then OCR is used to convert it to text format. Full of errors, unfortunately.

There are properly produced PDF versions, without errors, available through legitimate channels (as well as "free" ones). Although PDFs aren't quite as slick as native ebook formats, they do read quite well on Kindles. My PDF copy of GEB works fine on my Kindle.

[neufer]

The "free" ones tend to be scanned and then OCR is used to convert it to text format.

Full of errors, unfortunately.

• Well , THAT should certainly add some heft to your iPad.

• The Winter's Tale Act 4, Scene 4

CAMILLO: If your more ponderous and settled project

• May suffer alteration, on mine honour,
  I'll point you where you shall have such receiving
  As shall become your highness;

<<A thermodynamic free entropy is an entropic thermodynamic potential analogous to the free energy. Also known as a Massieu, Planck, or Massieu–Planck potentials (or functions), or (rarely) free information. In statistical mechanics, free entropies frequently appear as the logarithm of a partition function. The Onsager reciprocal relations in particular, are developed in terms of entropic potentials.>>

[wonderboy]

Wow, for a joke forum you guys sure have sucked the humor out like a bunch of Buzz Killingtons haha.

[geckzilla]

Bad news, you guys. You know those spiky things on all the stars in space photos? I just discovered our Sun's is on a collision course with Earth. It's been nice knowing you all.

Really bad doomsday fabrication.

[Beyond]

I just have to ask... Did you have Postum instead of coffee

[geckzilla]

I never drink coffee or any caffeinated beverages. I'm crazy enough without them.

[Beyond]

haha, ok, I'll let that confession stand on it's own merits.

[wonderboy]

A student walks into an astronomy lecture and sits down. "In 5 billion years" the professor says “ the Sun, will run out of fuel and die". The student asks, "How long did you say we had?" The professor repeats his 5 billion-year prediction and the student says, “Good! I was getting worried. I thought you said 5 million years!"

As provided by Dr Jerry T. Bonnell in his Q&A

[Beyond]

Three young particles, a proton, a neutron and an electron, were interacting a little with each other while waiting in the employee's break area before starting their first job, when a voice came over the loudspeaker and said "alright you three, up and atom".

[neufer]

Three young particles, a proton, a neutron and an electron, were interacting a little with each other while waiting in the employee's break area before starting their first job, when a voice came over the loudspeaker and said "alright you three, up and atom".

<<The up quark or u quark & its antiparticle (the antiup) are the lightest of all quarks. The up quark was first observed by experiments at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center in 1968. It, along with the down quark, forms the neutrons (one up quark, two down quarks) and protons (two up quarks, one down quark) of atomic nuclei. A positive pion (π+) is made of one up quark and one down antiquark; and its corresponding antiparticle, the negative pion (π−), is made of one up antiquark and one down quark. It is part of the first generation of matter, has an electric charge of +2⁄3 e. Like all quarks, the up quark is an elementary fermion with spin-1⁄2, and experiences all four fundamental interactions: gravitation, electromagnetism, weak interactions, and strong interactions.

Despite being extremely common, the bare mass of the up quark is not well determined, but probably lies between 1.8 & 3.0 MeV. (Lattice QCD calculations give a more precise value: 2.01±0.14 MeV.) When found in mesons or baryons, the 'effective mass' (or 'dressed' mass) of quarks become greater because of the binding energy caused by the gluon field between each quark (see mass–energy equivalence).The bare mass of up quarks is so light, it cannot be straightforwardly calculated because relativistic effects have to be taken into account.>>

[BMAONE23]

That one was a real quark-up

[Moonlady]

I have posted this from my iStone 5000 BC

[Ann]

Hey, Moonlady is back!!!

And I love that time travel joke!

Ann

[neufer]

[Moonlady]

Yes, I am back! I have internet access again, sadly it's only a mobile stick with limited volume per month, so I surf slow and can't watch
video streams...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ironman_Triathlon

[Beyond]

I think that one is getting a bit rusty already.

[Moonlady]

Here is another one, just for you, hopefully not that dated

[Beyond]

The 'earth' one seems rather normal and more like a state of fact, rather than a funny, as funny's go. Although, IF we didn't actually live here and were just visiting... earth might just seem to be an abnormal joke.
I didn't mean the Ironman joke was dated. It's just that iron starts to rust so fast, i think it would easily win any oxidation race.

[BMAONE23]

Is that to say that any society built upon a Dais of Iron is predestined to become Rustic?

[neufer]

Is that to say that any society built upon a Dais of Iron
is predestined to become Rustic?

Therein lies the irony.

[geckzilla]

Ferrous wheel! ...

Code: Select all

    Fe---Fe
   /  \ /  \
  Fe---o---Fe
   \  / \  /
    Fe---Fe
    /     \

Some people have made drawings of it with some proper chemical notation.

[BMAONE23]

A few minutes before the church services started,
the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running to the front entrance,
trampling each other in a frantic effort to get
away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty
except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his
pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the
fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..


So Satan walked up to the man and said,
'Do you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?'
asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute’,
returned the old man in an even tone.

'Do you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony
for all Eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked,
'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The man calmly replied,
'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'