Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

[neufer]

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

A NESTING FALCON.

Don't be standing near the nest when that bird decides to go
(It is a good thing that Cows don't fly)

[wonderboy]

I've been waiting to watch a science documentary on TV for ages regarding the ins and outs of constipation... Its not came out yet!!!!

[Beyond]

[wonderboy]

How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

[neufer]

How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

<<In 1951, Kurt Friedrich Gödel (April 28, 1906 – January 14, 1978) demonstrated the existence of paradoxical solutions to Albert Einstein's field equations in general relativity. He gave this elaboration to Einstein as a present for his 70th birthday. These "rotating universes" would allow time travel and caused Einstein to have doubts about his own theory. His solutions are known as the Gödel metric.

During his many years at the Institute, Gödel's interests turned to philosophy and physics. He studied and admired the works of Gottfried Leibniz, but came to believe that a hostile conspiracy had caused some of Leibniz's works to be suppressed. To a lesser extent he studied Immanuel Kant and Edmund Husserl. In the early 1970s, Gödel circulated among his friends an elaboration of Leibniz's version of Anselm of Canterbury's ontological proof of God's existence. This is now known as Gödel's ontological proof.

In later life, Gödel suffered periods of mental instability and illness. He had an obsessive fear of being poisoned; he would eat only food that his wife, Adele, prepared for him. Late in 1977, Adele was hospitalized for six months and could no longer prepare Gödel's food. In her absence, he refused to eat, eventually starving to death. He weighed 65 pounds (approximately 30 kg) when he died. His death certificate reported that he died of "malnutrition and inanition caused by personality disturbance" in Princeton Hospital on January 14, 1978.>>

[bystander]

[url=http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php?f=1638][size=150][b][i]PHD Comics: Government Shutdown (10/03/2013)[/i][/b][/size][/url] [img]http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/images/copyright.gif[/img] [url=http://www.phdcomics.com/archive_journal.php?n=1638][img]http://www.phdcomics.com/images/emergency.gif[/img][/url]

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[geckzilla]

Hah, I didn't notice that little "emergency button" in the corner that opens up a fake, semi-automatically generated academic paper with some overly complicated wording until this comic.

[Beyond]

[Ann]

[url=http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php?f=1638][size=150][b][i]PHD Comics: Government Shutdown (10/03/2013)[/i][/b][/size][/url] [img]http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/images/copyright.gif[/img] [url=http://www.phdcomics.com/archive_journal.php?n=1638][img]http://www.phdcomics.com/images/emergency.gif[/img][/url]

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I noted the word "archtype" when I clicked the emergency button and noted that whoever had written the text is mildly dyslexic.

Otherwise, I didn't understand much.

Ann

[Ann]

But I love some of the jokes that have been posted recently! The ins and outs of constipation, ooops! The physicists changing a light bulb by rotating the universe!

And poor Gödel. Tell me, is he the Gödel of the fantastic illustrated impossible "architecture"? No, that's Escher. Guess I mix them up because I have a book titled Gödel, Escher, Bach, which I haven't read. If he really tried to prove, mathematically, the existence of God, then I guess I suspect he was a few nails short of a full tool kit. Poor guy, he starved to death because he feared being poisoned.

And poor Henrietta the Hen, who has to buy eggs from the grocer so she won't end up as Sunday chicken roast!

Ann

[wonderboy]

Hubble has provided us with images of wonderous beauty throughout its decades of use. some of the most beautiful images are of colliding galaxies, smashing together in the vastness of space. The New York times has printed that with the increased resolution of the James Webb Space Telescope, we will be able to view these catastrophic galaxy collisions in such detail, that we will even be able to see the lawyers rushing to the scene!

[Nitpicker]

Heard the one about the constipated theoretical physicist?

She worked it out with a pencil.

[neufer]

Heard the one about the constipated theoretical physicist?

She worked it out with a pencil.

One still requires paper.

[wonderboy]

Lecturer: Using your Standard Chart, someone tell me the distance between Betelgeuse and Procyon!

Sarcastic Student: About an inch and a half Professor

[Ann]

Heard the one about the constipated theoretical physicist?

She worked it out with a pencil.

In northern Sweden in the 18th and even 19th century, they used sticks. A son could inherit his father's favorite utensil.

Ann

[neufer]

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

Heard the one about the constipated theoretical physicist?

She worked it out with a pencil.

In northern Sweden in the 18th and even 19th century,
they used sticks.

A son could inherit his father's favorite utensil.

What did the daughters inherit

[owlice]

What did the daughters inherit

The wisdom of including fiber in one's diet.

[Beyond]

What did the daughters inherit

The wisdom of including fiber in one's diet.

And the appreciation of having a good antiseptic in the home

[Beyond]

Neufer's video

IF i were the kid, I'd chuck that little assinine gold watch

[neufer]

What did the daughters inherit

The wisdom of including fiber in one's diet.

It was clearly a rough age.

[rstevenson]

... Guess I mix them up because I have a book titled Gödel, Escher, Bach, which I haven't read. ...

I bought that book when it was new, which seems like a century ago. It was a good read the first time through. Then the second time I realized how much I'd missed the first time. Then I loaned it to a friend and haven't seen it since, so I never did give it a third try. Maybe I'll pick it up and put it in my iPad. It doesn't matter how many books I put in it - it doesn't get any heavier.

Rob

[rstevenson]

The first part of this is copied from a friend's FaceBook post, originator unknown. I added the second part. ...

Physics, n. - The branch of science concerned with using extremely long and complicated formulas to describe how a ball rolls.

Astrophysics, n. - The same, but with bigger balls.

Rob

[Chris Peterson]

I bought that book when it was new, which seems like a century ago. It was a good read the first time through. Then the second time I realized how much I'd missed the first time. Then I loaned it to a friend and haven't seen it since, so I never did give it a third try. Maybe I'll pick it up and put it in my iPad. It doesn't matter how many books I put in it - it doesn't get any heavier.

Actually, it should get lighter as you add books. Information is a form of energy, which manifests as mass. And a book has less information than the random bits present before you load the book.

[owlice]

... Guess I mix them up because I have a book titled Gödel, Escher, Bach, which I haven't read. ...

I bought that book when it was new, which seems like a century ago. It was a good read the first time through. Then the second time I realized how much I'd missed the first time. Then I loaned it to a friend and haven't seen it since, so I never did give it a third try. Maybe I'll pick it up and put it in my iPad. It doesn't matter how many books I put in it - it doesn't get any heavier.

Rob

I haven't read it, either, though it's in the house; the kid read it in 8th grade, when he had to do a project for music class. (Hey, it had Bach in the title... ) He ended up doing the project on Beethoven, but was glad to have read GEB.

Ah, I should read it, too. Maybe I'll get it for the Kindle (because I have no idea where the physical book is now; it used to live on the bathroom bookshelves); I'm due for a new book anyway (because Emma surely doesn't count, does it, since I've read it before?). Especially since this will make the Kindle lighter; woo-hoo!!

[owlice]

Not available for the Kindle!