Asternauts must have!

[Moonlady]

You ever thought of things an asternaut needs in asterisk-ship?

I'll pack my asternaut suit! But I have to wait till March 2013 when shipping starts

[neufer]

You ever thought of things an asternaut needs in asterisk-ship?

I'll pack my asternaut suit! But I have to wait till March 2013 when shipping starts

Neufer: [bumps his head on the ceiling of the crowded lunar module] Oww! Goddamn this piece of shit!

Chris Peterson: Hey! this piece of shit's going to get you home! That's 'cause that's the only thing we've got left, Art.

Neufer: Well, what are you saying, Chris?

Chris Peterson: Oh, I think you know what I'm saying...

Neufer: Now wait a minute... all I did was stir those tanks...

Chris Peterson: What was that gauge reading before you hit the switch?

Neufer: Hey, don't tell me how to fly the damned CM, all right? They brought me in here to do a job, they asked me to stir the damned tanks, and I stirred the tanks!

Chris Peterson: You didn't know what you were doing, do you?

Bystander: Art, quit kicking yourself in the ass.

Neufer: This is NOT MY FAULT!

Bystander: No one is saying it is. If I'm in the left-hand seat when the call comes up, *I* stir the tanks.

Neufer: Yeah, well, tell *him* that.

Chris Peterson: I just asked you what the gauge was reading. AND YOU DON'T KNOW!

Bystander: All right, we're not doing this, gentlemen. We are *not* going to do this. We're not going to go bouncing off the walls for ten minutes, 'cause we're just going to end up back here with the same problems! Try to figure out how to stay alive!

[Beyond]

Try to figure out how to stay alive

Change your space vehicles name to Enterprise, and the Captains name to Kirk.

[emc]

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

[Moonlady]

Asternauts Ship to Nowhere

Episode 2

Geckzilla, Owlice, Moonlady, Ann and Margarita in the ladies restroom (oh yeah ladies are solidary when going to restrooms)

Owlice: Neufer is such a drama queen, complains all the time about the ship being small and he got the biggest room with a king size bed!

Margarita nods and pads her cat.

Ann: Do I look pale in my blue dress? I should apply a little make up!

Moonlady: My dear, you look dashing in your dress!

Ann: Where should we head next ladies? I thought Pluto has nice places to go, a little small but totally cosy Irish pubs!

Owlice: Neufer will be complaining again that Pluto is too small for him, he really should let treat his claustrophobia!

Margarita: Well, he could stay in the ship!

Geckzilla: We can't let him stay alone, remember our trip to Io?

Everyone laughs

Moonlady: Yeah we had to come back after an hour because he was paranoid getting abducted by Cyborgs!

Geckzilla: Beyond told me that Chris was the head engineer back then when they were constructed!

Moonlady: Neufer doesn't know that they are controlled by Chris? But he knows how to find every information in the intergalactic net!

Geckzilla: Chris used a fake ID the government gave him, it was Top Super Secret!

Moonlady: How does Beyond know?

Owlice: Beyond heard Chris sleep talking, when they started to share a bedroom since our trip with Asternaut Ship!

Margarita: Ladies lets go and have a good time in Liam's Pub!

TBC..........

[geckzilla]

Klingons off the starboard bow!

[Beyond]

Romulans off the port bow!!

[geckzilla]

Actually, that's just yesterday's Ramen.

[Beyond]

Oh... but it's green. How could it go bad that fast in space where there's no air

[geckzilla]

I don't know. Try reversing the shield polarity.

[Beyond]

How about a little photon torpedo practise The Klingons might get and leave.

[Beyond]

Well, i got to get to bed so i can get up early and take a shower before my roomy does. He tends to leave a Big white furball clogging the drain.

[Ann]

Margarita, who pretends to know no math, took control of Starship Asterisk* since she is in reality the ship's Engineer as well as its Helmsman (Helmsperson). While Neufer, Chris and bystander argued about whether they would survive or not, Margarita took the ship to Pluto.

At Pluto, she, owlice, Geckzilla, Moonlady and Ann exited the ship to go to Liam's Pub. They stayed all night, getting slightly tipsy. Meanwhile Beyond and Chris were arguing about who had clogged up the drain in shower. Neufer decided that he had had enough of Pluto and used his amazing intergalactic internet skill to get the ship's impulse power going. Heroically Boomer12k, a martial arts specialist, knocked Neufer out (but not too hard) before the latter managed to steal the ship and abandon the ladies on Pluto. (Besides, the ladies really needed to powder their noses, having ingested all those malt beverages - and as cosy as Liam's pub is, it's too cosy for lavatory comfort! With an extended bladder, you don't fit in the loos!)

Boomer12k brought along Orin Stepanek, emc and alter-ego, and he also managed to lasso starsurfer, who was surfing by outside. (Beyond and Chris would also have helped the damsels in distress, but they had still not sorted out which of them was going to fix the clogged drain. BMAONE23 and Rob Stevenson would also have helped, except they were playing cards at the moment. Bystander, alas, was in his bystander mode, when he just stood by and looked on.)

Boomer12k, Orin Stepanek, emc, alter-ego and starsurfer saved the slightly inebriated ladies and brought them back on board, before Neufer managed to take the ship elsewhere. But now they faced another problem! Who would steer the ship? Who would lay in a course? Who would make sure the engines worked properly? Margarita, the techno-wizard, was too under the influence to drive! Moonlady is remarkably moonshine-resistant, but she hadn't yet finished her Driver's Ed. Ann, apart from being a Maths Dyslexic, was actually forbidden to enter the bridge, since she couldn't resist the urge to try to paint the whole bridge blue. Owlice and Geckzilla are too capable ladies, but a Plutoan selling tribbles had given them a tribble each. Owlice and Geckzilla managed to neuter the little fuzzies before accepting them, but now they were totally enamored with the critters and was unable to do anything but pat them.

So who will drive the ship???? Will we have to leave everything in Neufer's capable hands?

To be continued....

Ann

[bystander]

Just select your destination and engage the autopilot. Make it so ...

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

[neufer]

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

So who will drive the ship????

Will we have to leave everything in Neufer's capable hands?

[Beyond]

NO Not in this thread

[orin stepanek]

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

So who will drive the ship????

Will we have to leave everything in Neufer's capable hands?

I don't think Art wants to drive!

[Beyond]

Actually...i think Art would just love to drive the ship. IF he could figure out a way to steer it by quoteing the direction to go in. Of course, that may just make the rest of us a little , but what an adventure it would be, once we got of the the Shakesperian Nebula

[Boomer12k]

So...have we decided who is going drive this crazy thing, yet??? I would, but I have a cold, and a cold in space can get nasty. And I must admit, I don't have the math and navigation skills. But I would like to go to other places. All though in ELITE, I did not do too bad, but needed the Computer to land at the space station.

And with my bladder issues, I am going to need the bathroom sometime, ladies.

ARE WE THERE YET????

:---[===] *

[Moonlady]

Episode 4.2


Moonlady "Here we go, Starship Asterisk on her way to the moon :swosh:
Alert alert! Romulans attack from the right side! Activate protective shield! Take that you
evil Romulans! Fire torpedos now! Oh no, more Romulan ships behind Starship Asterisk's tail !
Activate WARP now! He he he take that Romulans! Asterisk Ship dives now in the next black hole!"

Chris who couldnt sleep well because Beyond snored the whole night, protects his ears with
his hands.

Owlice having compassion with Chris finally speaks

"Moonlady, can't you eat your cereals just like us?!"

Moonlady mumbles with full mouth "Sorry, Sir, I will eat my cereals in mute modus now, Ma'am Sir!"

Ann, the early bird of this incredible crew, comes in a good mood back from the gym
to the cafe-deck and pours herself orange juice.

Ann " So when is this meeting where we decide who will navigate us now?"

Owlice " At – 309869.9056950786 , thats in an hour Moonlady before you ask, everyone will meet at the bridge.
Orin got this idea that we should write down
names of all Starship navigators and we'll draw, sounds fair,
we follow our slogan: Fairness brightens the day!" Everyone nods in unison.

After an hour

Everyone but Boomer12k who cant come to the bridge because he is at the medical deck and getting treated his cold he had catched
in his adventure with ELITE, are waiting for the moment when the name will be pronounced.

Neufer looks a little pale, he had a nightmare last night were he screamed all the
time "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo", he doesnt say why he was screaming though.

Bystander draws from an empty popcorn box full with pieces of papers one and starts to unfold

"The next navigator of this beautiful ship is....."

when an alert disturbs the situation

Asterisk Computer Voice: Alert Alert! Alert Alert! Alert Alert!

Will the danger be averted? Will the crew find finally a new Captain? Stay tuned when:

Asterisk Spaceship shipses to Nowhere

[Ann]

Asterisk Computer Voice: Alert Alert! Alert Alert! Alert Alert!

What was this new danger? It turned out that Starship Asterisk* had actually collided with asteroid 2012 DA 14, although on closer inspection the ship had suffered only a minor dent. The reason for the collision was that Margarita wanted to take a closer look at the asteroid that has been filmed from the observatory of Tenerife, so she had snuck onto the bridge and steered the ship toward the asteroid. Unfortunately the ship got closer to the asteroid than she had intended.

Now a lot of upset asternauts entered the bridge and decided that Margarita would be temporarily demoted from her position as the ship's Helmsperson and Engineer. Someone else would steer the ship for a while now. But who would it be and where would they go?

"I want to go to the Horsehead Nebula!" said emc.

"A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!" said Neufer.

"I want to go to the Owl Nebula!" said owlice.

"I want to go to the Moon!" said Moonlady.

"You know I've always wanted to go to Mars," said Rob Stevenson.

"On second thought," Rob added, "the Ring Nebula will suffice. It's a cosmic donut."

"I want to go to Saturn," said saturno2.

"I'm good at flowers!" said Orin Stepanek. "I want to go to the Rosette Nebula!"

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet," said Neufer.

"I want to go to constellation Hercules", said Boomer12k.

"I want to go to constellation Lacerta," said Geckzilla.

"I want to go to the Coathanger," said bystander. I've mislaid mine.

"Let's go to the North America Nebula!" said BMAONE23.

A lot of people began nodding. The North America Nebula seemed like a good idea.

But while no one was looking, Ann had made her way to the bridge. She wanted to go to the Pleiades! She wanted to swim in a cosmic sea of blue!

Being an accomplished pickpocket, Ann had stolen some Ultimate Quotidian Quotational overdrive fuel from one of Neufer's oversized pockets. She had previously bought some highly illegal Infinite Improbability drive from a most disreputable character from Neptune. She had also managed to come by one of those birds of blue that fly over the rainbow. She now stuffed all of this ultra-dangerous contraband into Starship Asterisk*'s unsuspecting fuel container. Barely had the ship's engines smelled the mixture than it bucked wildly, put itself in Warp 117½, and dived straight for the nearest black hole.

"Don't panic," said Chris. "First of all, we have towels for everyone."

"Second, even though we are now technically inside the event horizon of the black hole, so that we have theoretically been cut off from the universe forever, and even though the laws of science say that we are doomed to plunge to our deaths inside the singularity of the black hole, we are actually in a Star Trek version of reality where the laws of physics say that Starship Enterprise must always survive. That probably goes for Starship Asterisk*, too. Therefore we can expect a wormhole to appear at any moment to carry us safely away from the black hole and send us somewhere more interesting. Indeed, here it is!"

As Chris was finishing his speech, Starship Asterisk* plunged into the wormhole. But where will the intrepid ship appear again? Stay tuned for the next episode!

Ann

[Boomer12k]

Piping in from Sick Bay....Boomer12k's voice was heard....

"Cough, Cough...dawn cood." He said sniffling. "I hab a sugesdion, bepore we bweak up into subadomic pardicles, whid I hate when dat hapdens. Why don't we bweak out DROBBIE THE DROBOT AND TOBOR, DA GREAT, as Piwot and Nabigator. They don't hab emodtions, so can't scwew up.
Since we all have desdinations we would like to tsee. I sugwest we wite dem all down, and put dem in a big bowl. Den one of the wadies can pick a desdination. Den we go dere. Anodher wady picks a desdination, and we go dere.
Dat way we have rewiable piwots, and we all get to see our desdinations, and eberyone else's too....and cuts down on the bwickering....AHHHHH CHOOOOOO....Dis dwarn COOD, wrunny nodes, (cough, cough)...hopt to be abwle to get bwak on da bwidge to see tdings and be wid my fwends!!!!"

Bwooomer12k.

[Ann]

"I've changed my mind about going to the Coathanger," shouted bystander as the ship shook, rattled and rolled down the wormhole. "I want to go NGC 4435 and NGC 4438 instead!"

"Bwing out DROBBIE THE DROBOT AND TOBOR, DA GREAT," shouted Boomer12k. "Where are dey?"

Scary music plays louder and louder!!!! The wormhole goes on and on! Where will it end? How will the intrepid asternauts survive?

Ann

[Beyond]

I must say... I'm sure glad that I'm Beyond this thread Lets see, who started all this Zaniness Ahhh, yes. Moonlady. That explains it

[Ann]

I must say... I'm sure glad that I'm Beyond this thread

Suddenly Beyond appeared on the bridge. He had been missing, because his arm had been stuck in the drain in his and Chris' room, as he'd been trying to get all the white fur out of it. Now, however, he was beyond all that.

"I want to go beyond this wormhole!" said Beyond.

And hey presto, they were out of it!

But where were they now? The universe around them seemed unfamiliar...

Ann