Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
- Star*Hopper
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
As the ol' saying goes....that'ns so old, first time I heard it I's too young to laugh, so I just rolled over, 'wet' my diapers & kicked the slats out of the end of my cradle.
*LOL*
*LOL*
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth
- Star*Hopper
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Bu-u-u-ut....speakin' of earlier inspirations:
A Black Hole is a tunnel at the end of the light. *Ba bump bump*
A neutrino walks into a bar . . . and keeps right on going. *Bump tssssh*
And entropy? ........ just ain't what it used to be.
A Black Hole is a tunnel at the end of the light. *Ba bump bump*
A neutrino walks into a bar . . . and keeps right on going. *Bump tssssh*
And entropy? ........ just ain't what it used to be.
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
A female of the species homo sapiens was the possesor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which
reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the forementioned ruminent would select the same pathway.
reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the forementioned ruminent would select the same pathway.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Well...=Deepowlice wrote:A female of the species homo sapiens was the possesor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which
reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the forementioned ruminent would select the same pathway.
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
owlice wrote:A female of the species homo sapiens was the possessor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the aforementioned ruminant would select the same pathway.
Know the quiet place within your heart and touch the rainbow of possibility; be
alive to the gentle breeze of communication, and please stop being such a jerk. — Garrison Keillor
alive to the gentle breeze of communication, and please stop being such a jerk. — Garrison Keillor
- Star*Hopper
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
owlice wrote:A female of the species homo sapiens was the possesor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which
reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the forementioned ruminent would select the same pathway.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgmyVLheqkQ&feature=fvst[/youtube]
![Mr. Green :mrgreen:](./images/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif)
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth
- emc
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Astronomy is over my head.
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
And you strain your brain so much trying to comprehend all those Astronomical terms, that you see stars.
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.
- emc
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Actually the astronomical terms are great fun at times. Like, (not to toot my own horn) excuse me but I need to experience diurnal. You see, insanity helps… helps that is in processing the astronomically complex realm of the astrophysicist with the brain of a common horse or cat. All is in fun… it is hoped that fun is in all.
- Star*Hopper
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
An astronomer goes on an expedition to Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, but he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him.
The tribesman answers, "Prisoners... killed...day after catch 'em ... when sun reach highest in sky, so can cook ready serve for evening meal".
"Great", the astronomer thinks. "Perfect timing!"
The tribesman continues, "But ... everybody excited ... so we wait ... cook you after eclipse."
The tribesman answers, "Prisoners... killed...day after catch 'em ... when sun reach highest in sky, so can cook ready serve for evening meal".
"Great", the astronomer thinks. "Perfect timing!"
The tribesman continues, "But ... everybody excited ... so we wait ... cook you after eclipse."
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth
- emc
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
I wonder if they know about National Donut Day?
- Star*Hopper
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
i donut know about that but......I heard there was these two cannibals eatin' a guy they caught, & one, enjoying a leg, looked over at the other'n & asked "How's your leg?", & the other'n replied, "Oh it's great - I'm havin' a ball!"
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
In the Health news pages:
"The man who fell into the upholstery machine is now fully recovered."
"The man who fell into the upholstery machine is now fully recovered."
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
My favorite cannibals-eating-Scandinavians joke goes like this:
A group of cannibals had captured a Dane, a Swede and a Finn. They filled their big cauldron with water and put the Dane in it and left him to simmer there for an hour. After an hour they took him out of the cauldron and proceeded to eat him, but he was nowhere near as tender as the cannibals wanted. So they took the Swede and put him in the cauldron and left him to simmer for two hours. They then took him out of the cauldron and proceeded to eat him, but he was nowhere near as tender as the cannibnals wanted. So they took the Finn and put him in their big cauldron and left him to simmer for four hours.
After four hours the Finn emerged out of the broth he had been simmering in and said (with a thick Finnish accent):
"Where's my towel?"
Explanation, assuming one is needed: The Finns are famous for spending hours stark naked in their inhumanly hot saunas and emerging from them, wrapped in a towel, as if nothing had happened.
![Image](http://www.shenet.se/zbilder/recept/badtraditionekrbastu.sauna.gif)
Finns in a sauna.
Finnish biker lady named Ann-uh. She is apparently not quite sure how her name is spelled. Watch the video and you'll learn how to count to ten in Finnish as a bonus.
Ann
A group of cannibals had captured a Dane, a Swede and a Finn. They filled their big cauldron with water and put the Dane in it and left him to simmer there for an hour. After an hour they took him out of the cauldron and proceeded to eat him, but he was nowhere near as tender as the cannibals wanted. So they took the Swede and put him in the cauldron and left him to simmer for two hours. They then took him out of the cauldron and proceeded to eat him, but he was nowhere near as tender as the cannibnals wanted. So they took the Finn and put him in their big cauldron and left him to simmer for four hours.
After four hours the Finn emerged out of the broth he had been simmering in and said (with a thick Finnish accent):
"Where's my towel?"
Explanation, assuming one is needed: The Finns are famous for spending hours stark naked in their inhumanly hot saunas and emerging from them, wrapped in a towel, as if nothing had happened.
![Image](http://www.shenet.se/zbilder/recept/badtraditionekrbastu.sauna.gif)
Finns in a sauna.
Click to play embedded YouTube video.
Ann
Color Commentator
- Star*Hopper
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
or,
"Jaywalkin' in Sturgis" ??
"Jaywalkin' in Sturgis" ??
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth
- Star*Hopper
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
It occurs to me that things that have no mass really don't matter.
~[Star*Hopper's Guide to Befuddled Musings]
~[Star*Hopper's Guide to Befuddled Musings]
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth
- Star*Hopper
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Plasma? That's another matter.
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
It just doesn't matter to me. I just don't have the energy.
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
what did the fish say as he bumped his head on a concrete wall while swimming along?
Dam
Dam
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
BMAONE23, That's a-hell-of-a-big-post for a three lettered one-word punch line.Terrific
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
![Exclamation :!:](./images/smilies/icon_exclaim.gif)
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.
- neufer
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
What does BMAONE23 need to learn to use?Beyond wrote:
BMAONE23, That's a-hell-of-a-big-post for a three lettered one-word punch line.Terrific![]()
Art Neuendorffer
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
But Art, the spoiler button eliminates the anticipation that developes when taking the l-o-n-g scrolling journey ![Mr. Green :mrgreen:](./images/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif)
![Mr. Green :mrgreen:](./images/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif)
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.
- neufer
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
At least nobody will go snow blind or get carpal tunnel on the journey.Beyond wrote:
But Art, the spoiler button eliminates the anticipation that develops when taking the l-o-n-g scrolling journey
Art Neuendorffer
Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)
Ok, here's the 'shorter', picture version of BMAONE23's joke--->Dam ![Fishy :fish:](./images/smilies/animal0028.gif)
![Fishy :fish:](./images/smilies/animal0028.gif)
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.