Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

[Star*Hopper]

As the ol' saying goes....that'ns so old, first time I heard it I's too young to laugh, so I just rolled over, 'wet' my diapers & kicked the slats out of the end of my cradle.
*LOL*

[Star*Hopper]

Bu-u-u-ut....speakin' of earlier inspirations:

A Black Hole is a tunnel at the end of the light. *Ba bump bump*

A neutrino walks into a bar . . . and keeps right on going. *Bump tssssh*

And entropy? ........ just ain't what it used to be.

[Beyond]

[owlice]

A female of the species homo sapiens was the possesor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which
reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the forementioned ruminent would select the same pathway.

[BMAONE23]

A female of the species homo sapiens was the possesor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which
reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the forementioned ruminent would select the same pathway.

Well...=Deep

[bystander]

A female of the species homo sapiens was the possessor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the aforementioned ruminant would select the same pathway.

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

[Star*Hopper]

A female of the species homo sapiens was the possesor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which
reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the forementioned ruminent would select the same pathway.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgmyVLheqkQ&feature=fvst[/youtube]

[emc]

Astronomy is over my head.

[Beyond]

And you strain your brain so much trying to comprehend all those Astronomical terms, that you see stars.

[emc]

Actually the astronomical terms are great fun at times. Like, (not to toot my own horn) excuse me but I need to experience diurnal. You see, insanity helps… helps that is in processing the astronomically complex realm of the astrophysicist with the brain of a common horse or cat. All is in fun… it is hoped that fun is in all.

[Star*Hopper]

An astronomer goes on an expedition to Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, but he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him.

The tribesman answers, "Prisoners... killed...day after catch 'em ... when sun reach highest in sky, so can cook ready serve for evening meal".

"Great", the astronomer thinks. "Perfect timing!"

The tribesman continues, "But ... everybody excited ... so we wait ... cook you after eclipse."

[emc]

I wonder if they know about National Donut Day?

[Star*Hopper]

i donut know about that but......I heard there was these two cannibals eatin' a guy they caught, & one, enjoying a leg, looked over at the other'n & asked "How's your leg?", & the other'n replied, "Oh it's great - I'm havin' a ball!"

HIT IT!

[BMAONE23]

In the Health news pages:
"The man who fell into the upholstery machine is now fully recovered."

[Ann]

My favorite cannibals-eating-Scandinavians joke goes like this:

A group of cannibals had captured a Dane, a Swede and a Finn. They filled their big cauldron with water and put the Dane in it and left him to simmer there for an hour. After an hour they took him out of the cauldron and proceeded to eat him, but he was nowhere near as tender as the cannibals wanted. So they took the Swede and put him in the cauldron and left him to simmer for two hours. They then took him out of the cauldron and proceeded to eat him, but he was nowhere near as tender as the cannibnals wanted. So they took the Finn and put him in their big cauldron and left him to simmer for four hours.

After four hours the Finn emerged out of the broth he had been simmering in and said (with a thick Finnish accent):

"Where's my towel?"

Explanation, assuming one is needed: The Finns are famous for spending hours stark naked in their inhumanly hot saunas and emerging from them, wrapped in a towel, as if nothing had happened.



Finns in a sauna.

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

Finnish biker lady named Ann-uh. She is apparently not quite sure how her name is spelled. Watch the video and you'll learn how to count to ten in Finnish as a bonus.

Ann

[Star*Hopper]

or,
"Jaywalkin' in Sturgis" ??

[Star*Hopper]

It occurs to me that things that have no mass really don't matter.

~[Star*Hopper's Guide to Befuddled Musings]

[Star*Hopper]

Plasma? That's another matter.

[Beyond]

It just doesn't matter to me. I just don't have the energy.

[BMAONE23]

what did the fish say as he bumped his head on a concrete wall while swimming along?























Dam

[Beyond]

BMAONE23, That's a-hell-of-a-big-post for a three lettered one-word punch line.Terrific

[neufer]

BMAONE23, That's a-hell-of-a-big-post for a three lettered one-word punch line.Terrific

What does BMAONE23 need to learn to use?

The spoiler button!

[Beyond]

But Art, the spoiler button eliminates the anticipation that developes when taking the l-o-n-g scrolling journey

[neufer]

But Art, the spoiler button eliminates the anticipation that develops when taking the l-o-n-g scrolling journey

At least nobody will go snow blind or get carpal tunnel on the journey.

[Beyond]

Ok, here's the 'shorter', picture version of BMAONE23's joke--->Dam