Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

[Star*Hopper]

Scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien Civilization...

Which for some reason makes me think of the eternal question:
"Why are all the instruments searching for intelligent life pointed away from Earth?"


.

[Star*Hopper]

HST In The News....
The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble photograph of distant galaxies colliding.

Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see lawyers rushing to the scene...

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[owlice]

S*H, I nearly posted that very joke!!

[Star*Hopper]

S*H, I nearly posted that very joke!!

Go ahead....you prolly tell it much better than me.

[Star*Hopper]

If what hits the planet are meteorites, what do we call the ones that miss?

Meteorongs!

[Indigo_Sunrise]

What are ticks from the moon called?

Lunarticks!

(I know; sorry - my nephew wanted me to post that......)

[bystander]

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

Brain Damage / Eclipse
Dark Side of the Moon
Pink Floyd (Roger Waters)

"I can't think of anything to say except... I think it's marvelous! HaHaHa!"

[bystander]

"Why are all the instruments searching for intelligent life pointed away from Earth?"

I think the reasons for that are self evident.

[Star*Hopper]

Since the bar's holding (at a low point):

Two astrophysicists are discussing their research in a bar one evening when a drunk sitting in the next seat and listening in turns and asks in a very worried voice, "What was that you just said?"

"We were discussion stellar evolution, and I said to my colleague here that the Sun would run out of nuclear fuel and turn into a red giant star in about 5 billion years, probably melting the Earth."

"Whew!" says the drunk, "You really had me worried -- I thought you said 5 million."

[Beyond]

Star*Hopper, only one more "bad" joke and You'll be a science officer

[Star*Hopper]

Whoo hoooo -- let's go for it then!

Why do nuclear physicists often have trouble concentrating on one project?

Because they have too many ions in the fire.

\bar raised
\\ever so slightly
\\\i luvz da slashies too!

[neufer]

Why do nuclear physicists often have trouble concentrating on one project?

Because they have too many ions in the fire.

It would make more sense if you had asked:

"Why have nuclear physicists failed in building a fusion reactor."

[Star*Hopper]

Well go ahead then. Apparently EVERYbody knows how to tell 'em better'n me.



\never expected such critical masses
\\or something

[neufer]

Well go ahead then. Apparently EVERYbody knows how to tell 'em better'n me.

It's just that nuclear physicists generally deal with isotopes not ions.

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

[Beyond]

Hey, ya gotta remember the title of this thread is first of all "BAD" jokes. I used to have a mind like a steel trap, but now It's all rusted away, so i like StarHoppers "BAD" astronomical jokes. HEY, he made science officer with them, so he must be telling Good "BAD" jokes

[Star*Hopper]

Well looky there....a kindred spirit. Thanx for havin' my back, B.
Just for that, here's one, specially for you:

A quantum mechanic's vacation
Had his colleagues in dire consternation.
For while studies had shown
That his speed was well known,
His position was pure speculation.

[Beyond]

Ha-ha, you're going to have to do badder than that That was kinda alright mediocre. Well, nobodys perfect. Try again.

[owlice]

I liked the limerick!

[neufer]

Well looky there....a kindred spirit. Thanx for havin' my back, B.
Just for that, here's one, specially for you:

A quantum mechanic's vacation
Had his colleagues in dire consternation.
For while studies had shown
That his speed was well known,
His position was pure speculation.

Line two is in dire constipation:

A quantum mechanic's vacation
Had colleagues in dire consternation.
For while studies had shown
That his speed was well known,
His position was pure speculation.

[owlice]

Ooo, that's better!

[owlice]

Desperately Surfing for Science
by David Morin, Eric Zaslow, E'beth Haley, John Golden, and Nathan Salwen

Who needs the balance and check?
Screw peer review -what the heck!
Send all of your crap
To the internet -zap!
Who cares if it's nothing but dreck!

[geckzilla]

It's funny because it's true.

[Star*Hopper]

Must do badder....must do badder....hmmm. Badder....o jeez, think...think.
OK......

Did you hear about the astrophysicist who needed a new car & bought a Quantum?
Every time he looked at the speedometer he got lost.

[owlice]

Must do badder....must do badder....hmmm. Badder....o jeez, think...think.

I read this as "Must do bladder....must do bladder...." and thought TMI!

[Beyond]

TMI!